Jazz is in my earbuds, and has been since I moved to the Bay Area in January 2015. I’ve always been a fan of the genre, especially in a live environment – begging people to come with me to the Blue Whale in Los Angeles or to random venues around New York to hear the tight, syncopated sounds in action. For some reason I’m steeped in the genre now more than ever before.
In music theory, they teach you that the notes you hear right before the phrase, verse, or song’s conclusion are called leading tones. They’re the notes that hover in space and create tension. They beg for resolution, because notes want to be resolved – they want to go home.
In the first half of 2018 I traveled a lot for work. In a matter of months I flew to Tokyo, London, Hong Kong, Singapore, Switzerland, New York, and Las Vegas – whew! It left my head spinning.
I spoke at events in Berlin and Hong Kong. I went on adventures, from walking a tiny part of the Great Wall of China in the foggy morning rain to attending La Tosca at London’s Royal Opera House to riding the Shinkansen bullet train down the coastline of Japan. I visited with new international friends and started to outline my second novel. I worked hard at Matrix and volunteered with organizations like Hive and Tech For Campaigns. I moved into the city with N.
I also made efforts to visit my adorable two year-old niece. According to my sister the other day she came home with a note from school. The note said that at lunchtime she had been running, fell down, and bumped her chin on the pavement. Rather than cry, my niece stood up, flexed her little muscles, growled and said “I’m tough!”
Many times in 2018, all I wanted to be was the opposite of tough. The traveling was exciting but it was starting to take a toll on my body. I never knew which time zone I was on, and more often than not I’d wake in the middle of the night reaching for a seatbelt that wasn’t there. Luckily, the traveling slowed mid-year and I made a point to take time for myself on the evenings and weekends. I could spend some time at home, even if I didn’t really know where home was anymore. It’s not in Los Angeles or New York. It’s not in Oakland, and I continue to struggle with my Ohioan roots particularly after the 2016 election.
The rest of the year flew by in a kaleidoscopic mix of the following: work, storytelling classes, piano and music theory lessons, writing sessions, yoga, and time well spent with friends and loved ones.
Happiness can exist in the upswing. It’s right there on the leading tone. It’s the opportunity to be better and to do better, every single day. It’s in the exciting place where we continue to reach for the stars.
In 2019 I’m continuing to push forward while giving myself the room to be present and the grace to fail, even epically. I’m working hard, writing where I can, learning how to play jazz on the piano, and continuing to rock the little beat that I’m on.
Maybe the beat moves so fast that we miss it if we don’t listen closely enough. We travel past home several times and don’t even notice that it was there all along.
Here’s to turning up the volume in 2019.
With love,
