You, who wakes up tired and confused most days.
You, who has dreams more potent than life itself. The stories we tell, the way we are in this pandemic, has changed us all.
Me, so introverted and enjoying it until maybe recently, when I feel there’s too much going on in my brain and need an escape but there’s no place to go.
We did a FaceTime for my nieces birthday and it felt like a dream. My dad says “hi nicole!’ and I say “hi dad!” and I haven’t seen him since February and now it’s June.
And we have this pandemic going on, and now all these protests and riots, and my niece is there twirling in her blue sparkly dress holding her dolls and I pan the camera around our castle in the sky and it feels like we are so disconnected in some future state, like at the end of a movie where I’ve died and this is what I think of the moment right before I go.
The outside world is cold and crisp, but if you stand in the sunshine the heat will warm your cheeks. It feels tight and tender in my interior space. Yesterday, I went on a walk at the Rodeo Beach trailheads, hung out there for awhile.
On the way were so many angry bougie people, frowning and honking and leaning in aggressively in their foreign cars. I don’t get it, I thought the pandemic had chilled everyone out, made us all more empathetic — guess not.
It feels like the hard old edges of everyday anxiety mixed with something new, like a sinking disappointment in humanity — is this depression?
What is true is that i feel renewed out in the sun and the world, my little world, is a lot smaller than it was last year, 5 years ago for sure. But I’m happy. I’m growing, we all are some how and will come together soon enough. It is all going to be okay. The planet spins on.